Camping in Cook Forest 2016

It's been a while since my last update, I've just been so darn tired.


So in my last blog I discussed my NTM bacteria's, and my experience with Amikacin. They gave my Cipro after that, but oddly enough I had a reaction this time. I've had it before but I think the other antibiotics in my combo made it something I could not tolerate. Two weeks ago my blood work indicated that I needed a blood transfusion. My primary care doctor was out of town, and I decided to just go on my already planned vacation. I did call one of the doctors at NIH, and they suggested that I might have a tedizolid toxicity and that I stop taking it for a week and then get retested. So I went with my family; Frank, Kate, Kearie, Mary, Scott and Seth. We had a blast, it was relaxing and fun and exactly what I needed to get out of the funk I had fallen into. I'm sick of feeling sick. I haven't felt like my self in about 10 months. I had gotten depressed over it, and our vacation reminded me of some things I had forgotten. Thanks to my family, this trip was relaxing, refreshing and most of all fun.

Our car broke down on the way home and we need to buy another one. My mood is better, but I'm still not feeling so great. I put in a call to my primary doctor today, who should have me results from the last blood work by now, and hopefully a suggestion on how to help. At this point my last option is a blood transfusion, as far s I know. She may have another option, fingers crossed. I get IV therapy once a week/every other week so I know the place where I would be getting the transfusion. Additionally I have family who have had this done, but I'm always a little nervous about getting a new medicine or treatment.

In other news, my daughter is home visiting for her summer vacation! That has helped my mood too and I'm excited as we are closer to her graduating and moving home. She'll be moving back in and getting a job in the area (hopefully) and attending college in order to get the business class she needs.

Empty Nest?

I haven't updated this blog in a while, but I wanted to come on to update on the current going on. I got a cell phone and with a few apps I have been able to keep track of my "episodes" and I have realized that when my joints hurt my temperature goes up. How weird is that? I plan on discussing it with my doctor at my next appointment.

My daughter left for college in October 2014, and I haven't seen her since December (when I was sick). This may not seem like a long time - but it feels like years have passed. She left in October (the 3rd was the drop off day) and she came home in November for Thanksgiving, she was gone 7 weeks but we went to visit her twice during that time. Then she cam home for Christmas, that time she was gone for 3 weeks. As of today it has been just over 9 weeks, and we haven't had the chance to visit. This weekend we hope to visit, and I can not wait. I miss her so much!! I enjoy spending time with my husband but it feels like a piece of us is missing, and I know he feels the same way. The 3 of us have always been so very close, and I just feel like the whole world is changing. People used to talk about their kids leaving, and they would say how hard it was, and I guess I just always thought it would be different for us. I'm not really sure why though. For 18 years the 3 of us were best friends, and we still are we just don't live together anymore. It's a tough transition for Frank and I.

I have dealt with many different medical issues personally and as a care giver, but this is not something I feel like I can navigate. I am so happy she is out doing her own thing, and I am so very proud of her. I just don't know how I'm going to get through this.

The college life?

The beginning of this month we dropped my daughter off at college. This has proved to be more of a challenge than I thought. You see my daughter; husband and I are very close. We get told often that we aren’t normal. I suppose this connection the 3 of us seem to have can be explained by a few defining experiences.

1. Kate came to live with us when she was 1. At that time we were on good terms with her birthmother, and everything went smooth. Soon though everything changed. Her birth mother started to cancel visits for ridiculous reasons. Her car broke down once a month, working overtime (but she never had any money), she couldn’t afford gas (but she was working overtime?) and a hysterectomy (twice). Often she would call the day before or the day of; a few times she would call hours after she was supposed to pick up my daughter after we had called to make sure she was OK. Long story short she picked up Kate and ran off with her. She had her 3 kids with her and no job, no permanent residence, and she refused to call us. We got a lawyer and fought to get Kate home. We won, the state awarded us child support, and the birthmother had visitation. Well, she could have had visitation but she continued canceling (not every time, but it was frequent). She ended up moving and not telling us anything, other than telling me she had fibromyalgia and could not pick Kate up anymore. Flash forward I adopted Kate when she was 16. She did not like being too far from home after that, and we weren’t crazy about it either!

2. My health. When Kate was younger she and I were almost always together (I did home daycare) and she even went to doctors appointments with me. I was diagnosed with both diseases at 21, so she grew up knowing I was sick. Our family has no secrets. When she started in middle school the progression of my Mitochondrial disease changed. Before it had been minor issues, now working was getting more difficult. Within 3 years I had to stop working and apply for disability. My husband and Kate had to start doing the house work, they split it up. I am not exaggerating but Kate, never once complained.

3. It has always been the 3 of us against the world. Our families and friends are a great support, but no one truly understands our struggles as a family (health, financial, and personal).

I really want her dreams to come true and for all that good karma to come back to her tenfold. So while I miss her, I am excited she has started this next phase in her life.

I need new batteries...

Saturday we went to register my daughter for college classes. We got notice about the registration on Wednesday, luckily we were able to make it there (it's 4 hours away). It ended up an error, so we decided to explore the city instead. It was a good day, all in all. Sunday and Monday also went well although I was sore and really tired.

Some days I wake up feeling good, which for me means just a little fatigue. I have some level of it every day, and some days more than others. Just last week I was lucky enough to have two days in a row with energy. Last Monday I woke up with stiff joints, which sucked because it was a beautiful day out. At least it looked like it from my window. I really wanted to go out but I was too tired and had to save energy so that I could o to the grocery store. Luckily my daughter went with me, but the floor was killer on my hips and legs. Last Tuesday I had IVS and just couldn’t get myself moving but Wednesday I woke up with more energy than usual and it happened again on Thursday and Friday.

So it really does change every day, and I have no control over it. I have tried to rest up for activities, but that did not work out as I had hoped. I try to RSVP for things, but I still end up missing some of those things. Some people get upset over it (I do too) and I have friends that do not invite me places because I have canceled on the too much. It hurts my feelings but I have to remind myself that they don’t know what I deal with and no matter how hard I try to explain it, they will most likely never understand. But I’m glad they will never have to.


It’s tough for me to remember life before the pain, before the fatigue. It’s like a haze that surrounds me, every day I have a choice. I can look to the past or look to the future; I chose the future. Occasionally the past comes calling and I have a down day, I’d be lying if I said I always look on the bright side. I try to I have another blog called “The Bright Side” and a facebook page too, I’m hoping that by reminding myself to be thankful, I will be reminding others. Yeah I know I’m one of those dippy hippies. LOL

My life is unpredictable, and I have less stress about it since I accepted it. It took me a while and I still lapse every now and then; but life goes on.

College

I apologize for my lack of postings lately! My daughter is graduating and has been accepted to the Art Institute of Pittsburgh! I am so proud! She is an amazing young woman, and she deserves the opportunity to follow her dreams.

Senior year is hard. I know it has been tough on Kate, but man, it's been tough on my husband and I also. Not only is the fact that she is leaving tough, but we have been trying to help her pull everything together but we are attempting to fill our last summer together with fun times and memories!

Some of you might not understand the close relationship my husband and I have with Kate. It has always been the three of us against the world. We've had each others backs and those thing are not going to change. When Kate was younger her birthmother picked her up and did not bring her home. This was right before her 3rd birthday, and we fought to get her home. With out making this a long a drawn out story - she came home and the three of us have a bond now that I am not sure others full comprehend. We tell each other everything, there are no secrets between the 3 of us, we take care of each other and have been through a lot of crap and have come out stronger for it.

We get the, "been there done that", "as soon as mine is 18 she/he is outta here", or a look of shock. Having two genetic, progressive diseases (neither with a cure) helped us build a very strong foundation add to that the struggles caused by her birthmother and my husbands struggles with his own health and it is unshakable.

She won a scholarship, which is going to help out a lot, but we still have a lot of costs to cover. I created a page, http://www.gofundme.com/79ih34, in hopes to raise some more money for her to start classes and buy materials. Please visit and read her story and her progress so far. Donate if you can, please. She is a generous person with a great heart with an old soul, she makes the honor roll with distinction every term, she has a great sense of humor and she takes care of her family.