About Me

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I am a wife and mother who also has cystic fibrosis and a mitochondrial disease.
Showing posts with label disability. Show all posts
Showing posts with label disability. Show all posts

Monday, December 15, 2014

Ready or not its Christmas time!

Ever since my Grandmother died I have had a difficult time getting into the Christmas spirit. I really try but it is always hard. I’m not sure if it is because she is not here or if it is because when she was gone my whole world changed, my focus shifted. I wanted to be like her, to be the one who helped everyone who needed it. Because I’m disabled – I live on a budget, I don’t have the strength or energy to see my family and friends as often, and I have learned the hard way that I cannot help everyone.

This year Christmas seems to be approaching so quickly that I don’t feel I’m ready! Not to mention my budget sure isn’t ready either. I’m Catholic, so Christmas has a deep meaning for me and my family that goes beyond presents. It is difficult though when you really want to give to others. Luckily my daughter will be home for a while so my husband and I have a month. Haha

I have been sick; I’m still working on getting better. My voice comes back, but not for long. I finally have energy to get Christmas cards out. Maybe.

Over the weekend, the cemetery had a candle vigil for the holidays and my husband and I went. It was beautiful and we loved it. I took a lighter and relit a few candles that had blown out, we were both cold but it was totally worth it!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Awareness

This week is Mitochondrial Disease awareness week (September 14 – 20) and I am always thinking of ways to spread awareness about both of my diseases, Cystic Fibrosis and Mito. Ironically my Mito is the only hurdle in doing so. I can no long participate in Great Strides (CF walk), I can still sponsor someone but I used to participate in 1 walk for years and for those last 3 years I did 2. Cystic Fibrosis previously was thought to be a childhood disease, Mito still is talked about as a childhood disease but they are learning more and more about adult onset.

I try to post on social media to spread awareness, and I have this blog but I can’t help but feel like I am not doing enough. Then again that is a common theme in my adult life. I never feel like I am doing enough. I should be doing more to raise awareness. I should be doing more around the house. I should be doing more to help my family. I should be doing more to see my family. The list goes on and on, but I’m no whiner so I’ll stop there.

To learn more about Mitochondrial Disease go to umdf.org

Getting them to narrow my specific Mito down is like pulling teeth, every visit I’d ask and every visit I would get the same answer. “You have two mutations never seen before. We cannot classify them easily and we have no other to compare it to. We don’t really know what other symptoms will develop, but we do know the ones you have will progress.” It is a nightmare, and to get any answer I have to break down in front of the right person. I broke down at many of my Mito appointments, and they felt bad; I think, but no one would budge. No false hope and all that jazz, they wanted to be sure. In an article written about me they say “a woman who has been suspected of mitochondrial Cytopathy”, while at another appointment another doc said they thought it was a Myopathy. (Am J Med Genet. 2002 Nov 15;113(1):59-64)
I’m still waiting.

To learn more about Cystic Fibrosis go to cff.org

I was diagnosed at 21 which is when he figured out that I had Mito too. I have lived with the knowledge of both, but because they weren’t sure about the Mitochondrial Disease I focused on my CF. Tried to learn as much about it as I can, I’m no expert but I do know what it is and what it does, and more importantly what it will do. I ignored my Mito until my symptoms had progressed and I was unable to sit at work or walk across a parking lot. I fought hard or disability and was denied twice. Finally I had to go in, that day I was not moving well at all. I had my wheel chair for the long walk into the court house, but I walked into the court room. It was slow and agonizing but I wanted these people to see me. Not just the label of Mito, but me and what it was doing to my body. Finally this judge saw *ME*.


Now I live in a two story home with my husband and daughter. They do the housework and cooking. I pitch in when I can, which is not often. Most days I sit by my window and watch the birds outside, my dogs keep me company as I spend my time on the internet, reading, watching TV, or playing a video game. When the pain is bad I do more than one, in an attempt to keep myself occupied with other things. My therapist called this a distraction method and said it was common with chronic pain sufferers.

Please educate yourself on Mitochondrial Disease and Cystic Fibrosis, both diseases need a cure. Not because I have them, but because I know, first hand, what they are capable of doing to people.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

A fighter.

So a few weeks ago I received my notice in the mail. I am officially disabled, according to Social Security Disability. It's been a tough 4 1/2 years, for those who know me the one thing I hate is that admitting I am sick. I'm not able to do the things I used to do, and I'm not getting better. I have been using this blog as practice; because we all know how much easier it is to type your feelings than to voice them.

So I'm still waiting for all of the specifics to get it, but the waiting for a decision is over. And I am happy. I'm happy that I no longer have to "prove" that I am sick and unable to work; happy that I have finally been approved and it is one thing that my family and I no longer have to worry about; happy that I can apply for Medicare. I've got this small part, negligible really, that is not happy. I have a great life and I am so blessed but I want more. I want to be able to walk around without having muscle cramps or pain in my joints. I want to be able to work, I really do. To support my family would be great; I enjoyed working while I was doing it. I wish that I could make it through every day without a nap, to drive the car where ever I want without concern about fatigue and pain.

I have learned the hard way that life is not what you expect it, but it is what you make it. I try to spend my days being thankful for what I do have. Which is a lot compared to some others out there. I will play the cards I’ve been dealt the best way I can, and I hope that people around me will notice my fight instead of my struggles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxV-OOIamyk


"Give 'em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life 'til we're dead
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me

There goes a fighter, there goes a fighter
Here comes a fighter
That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me
This one's a fighter"


I've had people say to me, "I'm not sure I could deal with what you have to deal with". I'm not special, I think we all have a little fight in us. You just won't see yours until you need it. So don't sell yourself short.


"Give 'em hell, turn their heads, Gonna live life 'til we're dead"




(Lyrics from Gym Class Heroes song, Fighter.)

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Disability update...

Well, I had my disability hearing on the 31st. My lawyer says it went well and he is pretty positive about it, but I am still nervous. The say I will receive the judgment in 6 to 8 weeks…I’m not getting my hopes up that this is finally over.

I’ve been pretty exhausted for the past two weeks or so, and the pain in my leg and arm has gotten better. The hip pain has gotten worse though. I can lie down in bed for about 8 hours, and then I have to get up because the pain is pretty bad, and my hips are stiff too. It’s not something that I’ve had a problem with before so I am unsure of how to handle it. And since I don’t have health insurance, it’s not something I can get help with. At least not right now. I’ll need to save up for an appointment, but I am going to email NIH to see if they can help. I’m still not in a study for my mitochondrial disease, but it looks like I might get into the undiagnosed clinic (because my symptoms don’t fit into any know mitochondrial disease).

Kate is working on her senior project this week, and she is really enjoying it. It is so nice seeing her do something she loves to do. I know a lot of parents say their child deserves something special, but Kate really does. She was abducted by her birth mother when she was 2, then she had to put up with the birth mothers constant dropping in and out, not to mention my health and that she helps out around the house often. I love her so very much.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Disability

For the past week I’ve been feeling pretty tired and yesterday I started experiencing bone pain. (I call it that b/c it feels like the pain when I broke my ankle/wrist/knee. Not the break part but the pain you feel after the bone sets and it starts to heal.) My left arm and my right leg, not to mention my hips feel out of socket. I couldn’t even put my own pants on. I’m not feeling sorry for myself but frustrated with my body. I’m going to try some Bayer Back and Body, but I’m not sure if it will help.

Last post I was excited to go on vacation. We went to Duck, NC with friends. We had a pretty good time although I felt like I missed a lot. My biggest missed moment was watching the sunrise from the beach. I just couldn’t wake up to do it. But I did spend some time on the deck, granted it was in the afternoons and evenings but it was nice. I did get a lot of pictures to help me remember as many moments as I can!


This morning has been ok despite the pain, Frank helped me down the steps (and getting dressed) and Kate made me some breakfast. She’s working on her senior project next week, so she won’t be home to help in the mornings. I have my disability hearing tomorrow, so it will be a busy day. I’m hoping that it goes well, and that I can get threw it without crying. But I guess we’ll see.