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I am a wife and mother who also has cystic fibrosis and a mitochondrial disease.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

My Grandmother

Her name is Elsie; she was born January 22,1920. She had a stroke February 12 2007, and is paralyzed on her right side. She can not eat, she can not swallow, she can not walk, she can not talk...

She married Christian and had a son; my father Chris in January 1944. Christian died in a plane crash when my father was 11. For a year they would not pronounce him dead because they could not find his plane. My Grandmother pushed and pushed and when they finally found the plane (in a lake in Texas) she sued the pants off the airport who let the men take off with out equipment. She remarried years later; a man named Donald.

When I was a little girl, my Great Aunt Aggie moved in with my Grandmother. Aggie was having a tough time taking care of herself, so Grandmommy helpped out.

When my daughter was born, her birthday parties were at my Grandmother's house and we went trick or treating there every year. Even after her stroke we went trick or treating there. I suppose it was part of my inability to let go...

GrandDonald died last February, and she is still stuck in a nursing home. Unable to say good bye or even attend his funeral.

Today, I spoke to a lawyer. She did not want to be kept alive by tubes...so I had to find out what I need to do to help her. She is not getting better. She is in pain. She is miserable. She is dying at a snails pace...

I don't know what will happen next.

I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through

In that small cafe
The park across the way
The childrens carosel
The chesnut trees
The wishing well

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summers day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way

I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you.