So a few weeks ago I received my notice in the mail. I am officially disabled, according to Social Security Disability. It's been a tough 4 1/2 years, for those who know me the one thing I hate is that admitting I am sick. I'm not able to do the things I used to do, and I'm not getting better. I have been using this blog as practice; because we all know how much easier it is to type your feelings than to voice them.
So I'm still waiting for all of the specifics to get it, but the waiting for a decision is over. And I am happy. I'm happy that I no longer have to "prove" that I am sick and unable to work; happy that I have finally been approved and it is one thing that my family and I no longer have to worry about; happy that I can apply for Medicare. I've got this small part, negligible really, that is not happy. I have a great life and I am so blessed but I want more. I want to be able to walk around without having muscle cramps or pain in my joints. I want to be able to work, I really do. To support my family would be great; I enjoyed working while I was doing it. I wish that I could make it through every day without a nap, to drive the car where ever I want without concern about fatigue and pain.
I have learned the hard way that life is not what you expect it, but it is what you make it. I try to spend my days being thankful for what I do have. Which is a lot compared to some others out there. I will play the cards I’ve been dealt the best way I can, and I hope that people around me will notice my fight instead of my struggles.
"Give 'em hell, turn their heads
Gonna live life 'til we're dead
Give me scars, give me pain
Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me
There goes a fighter, there goes a fighter
Here comes a fighter
That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me
This one's a fighter"
I've had people say to me, "I'm not sure I could deal with what you have to deal with". I'm not special, I think we all have a little fight in us. You just won't see yours until you need it. So don't sell yourself short.
"Give 'em hell, turn their heads, Gonna live life 'til we're dead"
(Lyrics from Gym Class Heroes song, Fighter.)